Master Key Experience-Week 13

I know that I want peace in my life.  That is the easiest thing for me to reach for right now.  It occurs to me that the basis for my desire for peace is really the desire to know that all is well and everything has a way of working itself out.  There is a power that is greater then what I can ever imagine and I want to believe that this power loves me and wants the best for me.  I grew up believing in a vengeful God.  This God seemed to pass out blessings and punishments at will.  My belief in this type of God shaped who I became as an adult. Because of my lack of understanding,  I searched to discover what I needed to do to get on God’s good side.  It seemed like nothing I ever did was good enough.  Something In me knew that there was something wrong with this idea that I had about our creator.  And this something leads me on the search to discover the truth for myself. I sought out to seek this other God that I knew must exist.  I have seen people in the face of devastation hold grace.   This grace, I knew, came from a place deep within that could only be described as the “peace that surpasses all understanding”, a place of knowing that no matter what, there was a bigger picture and that in the end, no matter what it seemed like now,  it would all balance it self out.  The word that comes to mind is faith.  I have never truly had faith that I was loved and supported.  I know that my story is not unique, except it is uniquely mine.  I also know that my beliefs have shaped the course that my life has taken up to this point.  In the past, I have resigned myself to the idea that life is about toil and turmoil.  But the little something inside me will not let me be comfortable with this idea.  I sit in the crack between the two worlds.  The one where I only know suffering and the other where I know that there is peace and love and grace.  In the later world, I can be and do anything that I want.  I can dream my life into a beautiful existence of joy, love, and abundance.  In this world, I can be of service and help my brothers and sisters achieve their greatest potentials because I know how powerful they are and that they are supported.  The cement that keeps me in place is my old beliefs.  And just as much as there is the call to expand and grow in the new world,  there is that cement that is sucking me back into the quick sand of the life that I so want to put behind me.  Can I really change my belief?  Do I have the strength to pull myself out of the quick sand?  The only thing that keeps me going at this point is knowing that I have the choice.

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