Week 3 and things seem to be getting worse.  And I am having a challenge keeping up with my tasks in proper timing.  So of course I am beating myself up.  I am becoming more clear on the fact that my habits are running the show.  I had an opportunity to be a witness in full effect today as I heard some news today that would normally trigger me.  Even when I know it is coming, I still seem to go down the same path about feeling bad about myself and my situation.  This time, I still felt bad, but I heard myself telling myself, this is just a habit that I have created.  It doesn’t make it any easier right now.

My 15 minutes sits, I don’t feel like I have been successful in at all.  I found that doing my sits,  I would have longer periods of no thought, and then I would find myself thinking about what I need to be doing for tomorrow or any other of my many thoughts.  I don’t know if this is normal.   But right now, I am not feeling it is going well.  The concept of relaxing is so foreign to me. That is scary. I had texted my guide because I was struggling with my DMP.  I have had the biggest struggle getting into the “feeling” of it. I have not really allowed myself to feel anything but bad for as long as I can remember.  But I want to change this, so I will keep at it.