Master Key Week experience 15: Unconditional Love… For Me

It is fascinating how over time, I have learned to have so much more compassion on others. I have been able to observe things that most people cringe at, with non judgement.  What finally clicked for me was understanding that there is always more to the story than I may ever know.  This has helped me hold compassion instances when most people would be ready for war.

What am aware of now, more than ever is, I am unable to do the very same for myself.  This is critical.  It will be the one thing that stands in the way of me making the transition that I want in life.  Right now, I am in Resistance to this idea. Why?  This didn’t happen over night.  I have built the habit of needing others to justify my value.  And just as strong as I want change, I am hold to my beliefs that I don’t deserve it.  I will sit with this while I do my exercises, reminding myself that the love I seek is my own, it has always been and it will always be.

 

Master Key Experience- Week 14

In the past when things got rough, I would lose focus on what I really wanted.  My biggest desire in this life is to know that there is a purpose for my life.  I have searched for validation of my existence.  All my life, I have looked for others to show me how worthy I was to be  here.  I can see it so clear.  I needed that promotion to prove my worth.  That loving relationship to show me that I was wanted and loved. The baby to show me that there is nothing wrong with me.  Let’s be honest,  I am looking at others at this stage in their lives and trying to figure out what they had that I didn’t have.  Why did it seem so easy for them to get what they want while I am still living the same year over and over again.  The Master Key Experience came to me at a time where I was really wanting to take responsibility for my life and change the course.  I hit the ground running, and for weeks, I followed the exercises as prescribed.  Things seemed to be looking up and moving in the direction that I hoped for.  And then it came tumbling down.

I have been dealing with some water damage in my house for the last month.  Apparently this damage was due to the in improperly placed gutter drain.  This leak has gone unnoticed for 15 years, until there was a crack in my bedroom wall  on the second floor and water damage in my kitchen pantry on the first floor.  Because of the years that this has been going on, my sheet rock, studs,  bedroom sub-flooring are all damaged/rotted, and mold has started growing.  In my kitchen pantry, there is the presence of damaged floors, floor boards, and sheet rock, and… more mold.  I am not financially in the place of taking care of this, and the insurance company denied the claim. The original contractor that was going to fix it has fallen off the face of the earth.  My HOA is stepping in, but their contractors have been taking their time due to the Holidays.  The increasing damage and the idea that I have mold growing in my home has consumed all the energy that I have.  I have not been sleeping in my bed, and couch sleeping is starting to take a toll on my body.  To me, this problem seems insurmountable.  And, I have not been okay.  But I am reminded that what I  have been asking for all these years was the peace that surpasses all understanding.  It occurs to me, this is the perfect opportunity for me to really build my strength in focusing.  I can only hope that the peace that I seek is on the other side once I do this.

One day, two years ago, I had made a mistake that was a real inconvenience to myself and my client.  That day, I had to be creative in finding a resolution. And once it was all said and done, I did find a really good resolution.  All was good.  But,  I couldn’t let it go.  In my mind, I kept beating myself up about it.  I had a few choice words for myself and then,  I started doubting all the spiritual work that I had been doing up to that point.  As clear as day, I heard a voice say to me ” do you want to avoid life, or do you want to learn how to navigate life?”  In that moment, I realized that my work was not all in vain.  I was clear, life happens, and I want to learn to live this life and not get knocked out of my center.  Fast forward,  two years.  I have been knocked off my already shaky center.  This is just what I do.  Life happens and then I am spending months and years trying to get back to a sense of normalcy.  Any wonder why I keep living the same year over and over again?  Last week, I decided that I was not ready to give up any more.  I also realized that I need to rewire my brain and how I handle these situations.  and I have the key to this.  The Master Key.

This morning, a neighbor called me to discuss the updates with my house.  In conversation, she shared with me that she is facing a scary situation, but she has been reading Philippians chapter 4 and that it has really been helping her maintain her center.  We talked for a little while and then I asked her if she could tell me what she has been reading to help with her peace of mind, again. My neighbor begins to read for me, Philippians 3:12-14.  as written in the NIV version of the bible “12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  She proceeds to tell me that she wants  to read more for me.  Then she goes to the verse  ” Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”   Philippians 4:4-9 .  In plain site, the law of substitution and Og  Mandino’s instruction to persist is glaring at me.

It was as if our creator knew what I needed to hear.  The random call, the desire to share scripture with me.  The words read resonated with me because these words I had spoken many times.  I have been seeking the peace of God which passes all understanding.  And this morning I was reminded of that yearning.  You cannot get more clear help then that.  For some reason, I am feeling loved and supported by the universe, and there is no greater feeling than knowing and feeling this.  I will do my part and look for the miracle that is sure to unfold.   May the Peace that transcends all understanding be with you as we embark into the New Year!   My Love to you all!

Master Key Experience-Week 13

I know that I want peace in my life.  That is the easiest thing for me to reach for right now.  It occurs to me that the basis for my desire for peace is really the desire to know that all is well and everything has a way of working itself out.  There is a power that is greater then what I can ever imagine and I want to believe that this power loves me and wants the best for me.  I grew up believing in a vengeful God.  This God seemed to pass out blessings and punishments at will.  My belief in this type of God shaped who I became as an adult. Because of my lack of understanding,  I searched to discover what I needed to do to get on God’s good side.  It seemed like nothing I ever did was good enough.  Something In me knew that there was something wrong with this idea that I had about our creator.  And this something leads me on the search to discover the truth for myself. I sought out to seek this other God that I knew must exist.  I have seen people in the face of devastation hold grace.   This grace, I knew, came from a place deep within that could only be described as the “peace that surpasses all understanding”, a place of knowing that no matter what, there was a bigger picture and that in the end, no matter what it seemed like now,  it would all balance it self out.  The word that comes to mind is faith.  I have never truly had faith that I was loved and supported.  I know that my story is not unique, except it is uniquely mine.  I also know that my beliefs have shaped the course that my life has taken up to this point.  In the past, I have resigned myself to the idea that life is about toil and turmoil.  But the little something inside me will not let me be comfortable with this idea.  I sit in the crack between the two worlds.  The one where I only know suffering and the other where I know that there is peace and love and grace.  In the later world, I can be and do anything that I want.  I can dream my life into a beautiful existence of joy, love, and abundance.  In this world, I can be of service and help my brothers and sisters achieve their greatest potentials because I know how powerful they are and that they are supported.  The cement that keeps me in place is my old beliefs.  And just as much as there is the call to expand and grow in the new world,  there is that cement that is sucking me back into the quick sand of the life that I so want to put behind me.  Can I really change my belief?  Do I have the strength to pull myself out of the quick sand?  The only thing that keeps me going at this point is knowing that I have the choice.

Master Key Experience-Week 12

It seems like, for as long as I can remember,  stuff happens that knocks me off my center.  Here I am surviving and trying to have a better experience of this thing called life, and then the unimaginable happens.  And I find myself not being able to focus on anything but what is happening right now.  All the things that I have learned and practiced so far goes out of the window.  How is this going to help me now.  I need to be focused on what is… now. These are the thoughts that consume my mind.

Master Key Experience-Week 10

It was week 9 and it seems like all sorts of stuff hit the fan.  I have not been home for two weeks and I found out there is some water damage to my home that will need to be repaired.  This will result in thousands of dollars worth of demolition and reconstruction.  And then, my teammate left the company I work for.  So many changes in such a short period of time.  I am working on being loving to myself and working to maintain my center. It is not easy.  In the past,  any little thing would knock me off my center. I have come to realize it was because I didn’t have a firm center.  Doing this work is helping to build my center.  I take a deep breath, come back to center, and pick up the pieces by focusing on one thing at a time.  It will get done and it will be okay and I will preserver.  What started me on my journey so many years ago was the deep desire for inner peace and grace.  I am acknowledging that all my challenges that I am facing now are the answers to my prayer.  I am presented opportunities to practice peace and grace.  And so as I go about my day, I will be grateful for the opportunity to grow.  And grateful to the universe for giving me everything I need, right now!!!

Master Key Experience -Week 9

Old Blueprint has gotten the best of me.  where I was in a place to enjoy the work, I have moved to finding it a challenge.  It is hard for me to know what really happened, but whatever it was, it happened across every area of my life.  You ever have that feeling of things just lining up and working out?  And then one day, BOOOM , the bottom just fell out.  It has always happened this way. I get to a point where strides are being made, and things are happening for me, and then I hit a wall.  It is apparent that my old belief of things not working for me rears its ugly head (oops an opinion) again”!  I have done this before in so many ways so many times before.  I see on many levels, how I have continued to create failure for myself.  Projects started and not finished.  Deadlines missed. Almost had it, but not quite.  It is time to take a step back and review, and step forward in love!  Praying this works!!!

Week 8 Master Key Experience-Press Replay and Play

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This week I have been house and pet sitting.  It has been a very good learning experience because in watching these 3 dogs, they make me question how I approach life.

There is Luna. This beautiful all cream shiba inu.  Luna has little time for anything but play.  She is sort of like a cat in that she will not come to you for petting or love.  She is the youngest of the 3 and full of energy. And she is adorable. She loves her humans, particularly her girl human. Then there is Sky.  Sky is an older gal, and she is a cute Australian Shepherd ( I think that is what she is called). I have always found her less  social to others, but when it comes to her humans and her dog siblings, she is very playful.  Then there is this beautiful large Golden Doodle named Zeus.  Zeus is an old old man and you can tell that arthritis has set in. He moves slowly most of the time.  Zeus is a friendly dog and is up for anyone to pet him.  And he is definitely going to sniff your crotch.

What is the purpose of me talking about animals?  In the days that I have spent with them,  I have watched how all three animals are very loving.  They come and sit with me, sleep with me, sometimes follow me.  It is like I have become one of their own.  Zeus’s back legs seem stiff, but it doesn’t stop him from running out to play like the others.  He mainly lays around lately,  but when he is up and going,  he is making the most of his time.  Sky and Luna, both who have seemed stand offish,  follow me around as though I have something exciting going on that they want to be apart of.  (it could be that they are waiting for me to drop crumbs). Animals exude non judgment and unconditional love.  This is there natural disposition and programming. They are always in the moment,  and even if  they get rejected or told no once, many times, it doesn’t stop them from trying again. I have never seen Zeus behave as though he is lacking, because he may be different,  he takes the steps at his own pace, but by God, he is taking those steps.  So interesting, you can tell a dog no a million times, and they will keep trying.  Luna loves being outdoors for long long periods of times, and she doesn’t need her dog brother and sister to be with her.  It is something to watch her sit for minutes on end gazing into the horizon.  I often wonder,  what is she seeing or thinking.  One thing I know for sure, she is taking it all in.  Oh and sweet Sky, she just may be particular or may need to warm up to you, but once she does,  she is loyal and there is no sense of missing trust.  This is what it is like to live from a place of love.  It is Freedom!    There is no should ofs, would ofs, or could ofs.   It just is! And so much potentiality exists when there is freedom.

But let us not forget the reciprocity.  To come home to 3 dogs who are jumping and acting happy to see me has been heart warming.  They  pile up at the door watching as I approach the house.  The closer I get,  the more the excitement builds and they start jumping at the door, even Zeus is barking as if to say, “come on in here toots.”  I have felt loved, and missed, and valued.  Because of this, I have become that much more vested in the care of my charges.  Interesting how that works.  Isn’t this  just what Og  Madino is saying in Scroll II of  “The Greatest Salesman?”   Love will melt obstacles,  turn enemies into allies.  Love will help you move through life with less baggage and more purpose.

Many years ago, I fell in love with an Old Nat King Cole song called “Nature Boy.” The lyrics simply state :

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return”
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return”

 

 

Week 7 Master Key System

 

 

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It hit me like a ton of bricks.  We are all connected.  We each are just individualized expressions of the one that created all.  Being a student of metaphysics, I have heard this expression many times.  There is so much to say about this, I don’t even know where to begin.  It has not been so easy to say I love you to the girl in the mirror.  As a matter of fact, I have avoided it for the most part.  Of course, I have done it , sometimes, because it is part of this course.  But I found it to be incredibly hard.  But as I tune in to my new friends who are on this journey with me, I have learned, I am not the only one.  I cannot say what happened to them, but for me, it is like somewhere down the road, I learned that I was not okay, just as I am.  Because we are practicing the Mental diet this week, (which I have started over a 1000 times),  I will refrain from spending time in that place and focus on what is so.

As I have started reading scroll II, and actually trying to start each day with this principle on my mind,  I have had some new awareness.  It is hard for me to love others unconditionally, because I cannot love myself unconditionally.  Its okay, because I started to ask myself, where did I get that from?  I failed miserably at restraining my emotions in life. Tears for me became a sign of weakness.  And not wanting to appear weak, I would hold back my tears until I had developed a lump in my throat. Then I became the person who seemed bitter and angry, and complained too much.  It never occurred to me that not being allowed to express your feelings in a healthy way would prevent you from moving through your emotions and processing your feelings.  So I became detached from my feelings and unable to experience them in a healthy and healing way. I remember that in the beginning of the 5th grade, my math teacher isolated me from the remainder of my classmates because I had a tendency to talk too much.  I felt embarrassed and put on display for my wrong doings.  What would have happened if she knew that I was just a lonely little girl who craved connection. Knowing these things about myself, I am able to release myself from the prison that I have created, all by myself.  I get it,  I was just trying to survive.  That makes me feel better!  But what about the people who I come in contact with every day?  Aren’t they just trying to survive?

For 7 years, I have being doing this beautiful meditation . It is called Meditation on Twin Hearts.  In this meditation, I am guided with the prayer  of St. Francis of Assisi.  We say this prayer, asking to be channels of love and forgiveness, kindness, faith, and pardon. I have loved the beauty and simplicity of this practice because I have felt like I was doing something really good for mother earth and all of her inhabitants.  But this week,  what has become really real to me is that it was hollow and that in order to truly do this,  I must be willing to be with out judgement.  There will be many who may never know, in this lifetime, that they are just trying to survive.  There will be arguments on politics, race relations,  and many many other debates.  But all of it comes from a place of fear and self preservation.  I know this because up to this point, I have lived this.  I cannot change this belief for anyone, but I can decide that instead of surviving, I want to live.  Mahatma Ghandi told us to “Be the change we wish to see in this world.”  The simplest instruction for doing this is love.  Since I no longer need to “survive, ”  the multitude of possibilities are palpable.  I no longer need to fight.  I don’t have to manipulate situations to prove myself.  I can sort of take it when someone else has lost their temper and it seems as though they are taking it out on me.  I don’t have to worry about being judged or ridiculed any longer.  (This is going to take a little more work, but I am getting there).  It is all good, we are all just trying to survive,  it’s not personal anymore. Most importantly,  I don’t need anyone’s approval… well, except that GAL in the glass.

One time, I actually looked up the word love.  One of the things I read was that love was an earnest respect and desire for another’s well being.  (I paraphrased that).  Now that is pretty deep.  Why wouldn’t I want that for someone else?   And since we are all one, we are just individualized expressions of the same creator, I must start with me. And despite what I have previously believed,  I am that love!  Atma Namaste!!!!

Week 6-Master Key Experience

This week has been one full of change and busyness.  It was a beautiful release and acceptance of what was and welcoming of what could be.  Participating in this experience has moved me to a place of questioning everything.  When I notice that I have an opinion, I quickly remind myself that it is an opinion.  And then I ask myself, why do I have that particular opinion. I have been learning so much about myself, and this week was no different in that regard.  I have learned how fearful I am.  I have learned how insecure I am, and I have learned how much I see the glass as half empty.  Seeing these things about myself have moved me to a new level of honesty and authenticity.  I am learning to have compassion on myself and I find that more and more, I am offering that same compassion to others.

In September, I was aware that my business was going to move.  Because I had been using my friend’s office to operate my business out of,  I felt completely at a lost for what this would look like for me.   What did this mean for me? I didn’t really know. Because of past business decisions and other changes, I was not in a place to make a decision to go out on my own, yet.  So I had some soul searching to do… Did I still want to operate this business that I had.  After all, I could count my remaining clients on two hands and my business now was currently on a slow sinking ship.  So at the same time that I started this Master Key Experience, I was deciding whether I would close my business or try to revitalize it.  The 1st decision I made was to give it my all and do it the right way, this time.  (I am still figuring out what that means for me).  Miracle 1.  My friend found a new office space and it had a room for me.  And I would share this space with others.  This would give me the opportunity to rebuild without the burden of covering large monthly rent.

Facing the big move, I realized that I felt really connected to the people I had met in the old space. There was this peaceful loving synergy that was happening, and I was given the opportunity to be a apart of it.  I felt welcomed and at home, for the most part. After all, I had been there for 2 years. I would miss this space.  I would miss those people.  It made me sad.  Also, I have always been resistant to change.  But I have come to understand that my resistance was a fear of the unknown.  So I dug deep and I asked myself, why?  If there was true connection,  then that I connection would be there regardless of time or space.  Also, I had been using my friend’s room for two years. It had not been easy for scheduling and coordinating times that I could use her space.  Also, I carried the fear that one day I would wear out my welcome.  Decision number 2, I acknowledged my sadness for what it was, fear of losing something and fear of the unknown,  and embraced the idea of new beginnings.  All of a sudden, It became very important for me to update my web presence,  capitalize on existing opportunities I had to put my business out there for people to see.  And focus on bringing new structure to my business.  I could see that this change had the opportunity to be very good to me and I decided to walk into it with open arms.  Miracle number 2,  a lady was looking for a new specialist in my town as she had recently moved here.   We met, for the first time, when I was at the old office in the middle of packing and moving.  She came in for an appointment, and I immediately felt as though I had met an old friend.  She is a dream client.  We connect on so many levels and she is one of the most genuinely sweet people I have met in a long time.  On Thursday evening, I saw the new office space for the first time.  When I walked into this beautiful new space that my friend found, I felt an excitement that was new to me.  This space would be the place where I would continue to grow spiritually and as a business woman.  I could sense that there is so many blessings waiting for me in the years to come in this new space.  I am thrilled about the possibilities, and that old belief of fear and dread of the unknown is gone.

For the past week, we have been packing the old office and making preparations to move to the new space.  There has been some late nights and because of this, I had to delay other task that needed to be done that I committed to.  But for the first time in my life, I realized, I am human and there is so much that I can do in this time and space.  I made my third decision,  especially after reading the gal in the mirror.  Was it important for me to get it all done, or was it more important for me to do it right?  If I am going to learn to treat this person with love and respect, then how can I do this by being forceful and condemning her because she is not doing every single thing now.  The 3rd decision I made was to be loving and kind to that gal in the mirror.  When I looked myself in the eye, at first, I didn’t want to look.  I felt like a failure and I wanted to quite.  I even asked myself what was all this for.  And then I realized that this was definitely an old pattern of mine.  I recognized it as the beginning of the decline.  Because everything was slowly starting to look up,  my subconscious would grip to my dying reality and try any way it could to keep it alive.  Typically, I would beat myself up for not doing it all.  And then I would have a restless night thinking of the failure that I know is coming because I cannot get anything right.  And then… Well, need I say more? We all know how it goes.  Well, I sure do.  Miracle 3. I actually refused to let me getting off track be my excuse for failure this time.  When the moment came that I wanted to throw in the towel, I heard the still small voice in my mind say, ” I will start each day with love in my heart.”  In that moment, I was reminded that no matter the circumstance, I can course correct just by stopping and choosing to focus on love.  When I do that,  what previously held my attention, no longer has any power over me. Than I get to choose my next step free from all previous judgments and experiences.  While there have been so many challenges this week, I would not change it for anything.  Now I can treat each as a new opportunity to practice love for myself, love for my neighbor, and love for this planet that I get the privilege to inhabit on this day.  Oh no, I am not out of the woods yet! I must recommit myself with this new found appreciation for all of life, the ups and downs, the highs and the lows.  I must keep careful watch of the thoughts I entertain and the words that touch my lips.  As I vision and plan for a greater future, I know I must continue to tend to my garden planting seeds for the fruit I want to bare and weeding and plucking those things that no longer serve me.  Seems like a lot of work, especially since I am still unpacking my office.  But I get to choose to love while I am doing any of it, and that is the only thing that really matters anyway!