Master Key Week experience 15: Unconditional Love… For Me

It is fascinating how over time, I have learned to have so much more compassion on others. I have been able to observe things that most people cringe at, with non judgement.  What finally clicked for me was understanding that there is always more to the story than I may ever know.  This has helped me hold compassion instances when most people would be ready for war.

What am aware of now, more than ever is, I am unable to do the very same for myself.  This is critical.  It will be the one thing that stands in the way of me making the transition that I want in life.  Right now, I am in Resistance to this idea. Why?  This didn’t happen over night.  I have built the habit of needing others to justify my value.  And just as strong as I want change, I am hold to my beliefs that I don’t deserve it.  I will sit with this while I do my exercises, reminding myself that the love I seek is my own, it has always been and it will always be.

 

Master Key Experience- Week 14

In the past when things got rough, I would lose focus on what I really wanted.  My biggest desire in this life is to know that there is a purpose for my life.  I have searched for validation of my existence.  All my life, I have looked for others to show me how worthy I was to be  here.  I can see it so clear.  I needed that promotion to prove my worth.  That loving relationship to show me that I was wanted and loved. The baby to show me that there is nothing wrong with me.  Let’s be honest,  I am looking at others at this stage in their lives and trying to figure out what they had that I didn’t have.  Why did it seem so easy for them to get what they want while I am still living the same year over and over again.  The Master Key Experience came to me at a time where I was really wanting to take responsibility for my life and change the course.  I hit the ground running, and for weeks, I followed the exercises as prescribed.  Things seemed to be looking up and moving in the direction that I hoped for.  And then it came tumbling down.

I have been dealing with some water damage in my house for the last month.  Apparently this damage was due to the in improperly placed gutter drain.  This leak has gone unnoticed for 15 years, until there was a crack in my bedroom wall  on the second floor and water damage in my kitchen pantry on the first floor.  Because of the years that this has been going on, my sheet rock, studs,  bedroom sub-flooring are all damaged/rotted, and mold has started growing.  In my kitchen pantry, there is the presence of damaged floors, floor boards, and sheet rock, and… more mold.  I am not financially in the place of taking care of this, and the insurance company denied the claim. The original contractor that was going to fix it has fallen off the face of the earth.  My HOA is stepping in, but their contractors have been taking their time due to the Holidays.  The increasing damage and the idea that I have mold growing in my home has consumed all the energy that I have.  I have not been sleeping in my bed, and couch sleeping is starting to take a toll on my body.  To me, this problem seems insurmountable.  And, I have not been okay.  But I am reminded that what I  have been asking for all these years was the peace that surpasses all understanding.  It occurs to me, this is the perfect opportunity for me to really build my strength in focusing.  I can only hope that the peace that I seek is on the other side once I do this.

One day, two years ago, I had made a mistake that was a real inconvenience to myself and my client.  That day, I had to be creative in finding a resolution. And once it was all said and done, I did find a really good resolution.  All was good.  But,  I couldn’t let it go.  In my mind, I kept beating myself up about it.  I had a few choice words for myself and then,  I started doubting all the spiritual work that I had been doing up to that point.  As clear as day, I heard a voice say to me ” do you want to avoid life, or do you want to learn how to navigate life?”  In that moment, I realized that my work was not all in vain.  I was clear, life happens, and I want to learn to live this life and not get knocked out of my center.  Fast forward,  two years.  I have been knocked off my already shaky center.  This is just what I do.  Life happens and then I am spending months and years trying to get back to a sense of normalcy.  Any wonder why I keep living the same year over and over again?  Last week, I decided that I was not ready to give up any more.  I also realized that I need to rewire my brain and how I handle these situations.  and I have the key to this.  The Master Key.

This morning, a neighbor called me to discuss the updates with my house.  In conversation, she shared with me that she is facing a scary situation, but she has been reading Philippians chapter 4 and that it has really been helping her maintain her center.  We talked for a little while and then I asked her if she could tell me what she has been reading to help with her peace of mind, again. My neighbor begins to read for me, Philippians 3:12-14.  as written in the NIV version of the bible “12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  She proceeds to tell me that she wants  to read more for me.  Then she goes to the verse  ” Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”   Philippians 4:4-9 .  In plain site, the law of substitution and Og  Mandino’s instruction to persist is glaring at me.

It was as if our creator knew what I needed to hear.  The random call, the desire to share scripture with me.  The words read resonated with me because these words I had spoken many times.  I have been seeking the peace of God which passes all understanding.  And this morning I was reminded of that yearning.  You cannot get more clear help then that.  For some reason, I am feeling loved and supported by the universe, and there is no greater feeling than knowing and feeling this.  I will do my part and look for the miracle that is sure to unfold.   May the Peace that transcends all understanding be with you as we embark into the New Year!   My Love to you all!

Master Key Experience-Week 13

I know that I want peace in my life.  That is the easiest thing for me to reach for right now.  It occurs to me that the basis for my desire for peace is really the desire to know that all is well and everything has a way of working itself out.  There is a power that is greater then what I can ever imagine and I want to believe that this power loves me and wants the best for me.  I grew up believing in a vengeful God.  This God seemed to pass out blessings and punishments at will.  My belief in this type of God shaped who I became as an adult. Because of my lack of understanding,  I searched to discover what I needed to do to get on God’s good side.  It seemed like nothing I ever did was good enough.  Something In me knew that there was something wrong with this idea that I had about our creator.  And this something leads me on the search to discover the truth for myself. I sought out to seek this other God that I knew must exist.  I have seen people in the face of devastation hold grace.   This grace, I knew, came from a place deep within that could only be described as the “peace that surpasses all understanding”, a place of knowing that no matter what, there was a bigger picture and that in the end, no matter what it seemed like now,  it would all balance it self out.  The word that comes to mind is faith.  I have never truly had faith that I was loved and supported.  I know that my story is not unique, except it is uniquely mine.  I also know that my beliefs have shaped the course that my life has taken up to this point.  In the past, I have resigned myself to the idea that life is about toil and turmoil.  But the little something inside me will not let me be comfortable with this idea.  I sit in the crack between the two worlds.  The one where I only know suffering and the other where I know that there is peace and love and grace.  In the later world, I can be and do anything that I want.  I can dream my life into a beautiful existence of joy, love, and abundance.  In this world, I can be of service and help my brothers and sisters achieve their greatest potentials because I know how powerful they are and that they are supported.  The cement that keeps me in place is my old beliefs.  And just as much as there is the call to expand and grow in the new world,  there is that cement that is sucking me back into the quick sand of the life that I so want to put behind me.  Can I really change my belief?  Do I have the strength to pull myself out of the quick sand?  The only thing that keeps me going at this point is knowing that I have the choice.

Master Key Experience-Week 12

It seems like, for as long as I can remember,  stuff happens that knocks me off my center.  Here I am surviving and trying to have a better experience of this thing called life, and then the unimaginable happens.  And I find myself not being able to focus on anything but what is happening right now.  All the things that I have learned and practiced so far goes out of the window.  How is this going to help me now.  I need to be focused on what is… now. These are the thoughts that consume my mind.

Master Key Experience-Week 10

It was week 9 and it seems like all sorts of stuff hit the fan.  I have not been home for two weeks and I found out there is some water damage to my home that will need to be repaired.  This will result in thousands of dollars worth of demolition and reconstruction.  And then, my teammate left the company I work for.  So many changes in such a short period of time.  I am working on being loving to myself and working to maintain my center. It is not easy.  In the past,  any little thing would knock me off my center. I have come to realize it was because I didn’t have a firm center.  Doing this work is helping to build my center.  I take a deep breath, come back to center, and pick up the pieces by focusing on one thing at a time.  It will get done and it will be okay and I will preserver.  What started me on my journey so many years ago was the deep desire for inner peace and grace.  I am acknowledging that all my challenges that I am facing now are the answers to my prayer.  I am presented opportunities to practice peace and grace.  And so as I go about my day, I will be grateful for the opportunity to grow.  And grateful to the universe for giving me everything I need, right now!!!

Master Key Experience -Week 9

Old Blueprint has gotten the best of me.  where I was in a place to enjoy the work, I have moved to finding it a challenge.  It is hard for me to know what really happened, but whatever it was, it happened across every area of my life.  You ever have that feeling of things just lining up and working out?  And then one day, BOOOM , the bottom just fell out.  It has always happened this way. I get to a point where strides are being made, and things are happening for me, and then I hit a wall.  It is apparent that my old belief of things not working for me rears its ugly head (oops an opinion) again”!  I have done this before in so many ways so many times before.  I see on many levels, how I have continued to create failure for myself.  Projects started and not finished.  Deadlines missed. Almost had it, but not quite.  It is time to take a step back and review, and step forward in love!  Praying this works!!!